found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
don't judge my taste in strippers
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
