I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
