i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
