just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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