His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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