she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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