i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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