I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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