I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
