Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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