@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
