I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
