I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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