Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
