Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
