I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
