I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
