Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
