i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
