i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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