She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
