Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
