I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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