Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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