i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
