I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think my moral compass just broke
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
