yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
