Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
