I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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