Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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