He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
