I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
