I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
