dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
