i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ladies don't puke and tell
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
