People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
