CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
