i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
