I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Houston, we have a squirter
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
