Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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