I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
