Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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