just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
