I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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