Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
