hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
