Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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