I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
