Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
