Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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