Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
