my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
