No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if only i could text you this smell
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
