Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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